I’m 68, Retired, and What the Fuck Comes Next?

Fifty years ago, I was trying to figure out my future. Turns out, I’m doing it all over again.

There’s nothing quite like having a conversation with family and walking away with something you weren’t expecting to think about.

That’s what happened to me this week.

My nephew is visiting from out of town and staying with my mom. He’s 35, dating a woman and we got into one of those conversations about life and relationships.

You know the kind. One subject leads to another, and before you know it, you’re talking about things you hadn’t planned on discussing.

We were talking about his relationship and the possibility of moving in together.

I told him that if he was serious about taking that next step, they needed to have some hard conversations first. Talk about expectations. Talk about how they each see their lives together. Because relationships change, and living with someone is different from dating them.

And that got us talking about how my relationship with BigDog has changed over the years.

Which somehow led to me talking about retirement.

I said something along the lines of, “You know, I’ve been retired for four years, and I still haven’t figured out my routine.”

And that’s when Mom chimed in.

Now, let me tell you something about my mother.

She’s 86 years old, and she’s still pretty damn sharp.

She listens. She observes. And every once in a while, she’ll say something that makes you stop and think.

She told me the reason I haven’t found my routine since retirement is that I haven’t settled. I keep discovering new things, jumping from one thing to another, and I haven’t really given myself a chance to settle into anything.

And I thought, well, damn.

She’s right.

I didn’t argue with her. I didn’t feel relieved. I didn’t feel like I needed to rush home and fix something.

It just struck me.

Because there is a whole lot of shit I’m discovering right now.

And I’ve been thinking about what she said ever since.

Sometimes I Feel Like I Just Graduated From High School

Here’s something I’ve been thinking about.

Sometimes retirement feels a little like being 18 years old again.

You’re standing there, looking at your life, wondering what the hell you’re supposed to do next.

Except this time, I’m 68.

When I graduated from high school, I didn’t go to college. I went to work.

I was working full-time at Mattel, making toys. My shift started at three in the afternoon and ended at midnight.

And I was attending vocational school full-time, too.

I had originally wanted to go into the Air Force.

That was something I really wanted to do.

But my boyfriend at the time, Gary, talked me out of it. He had his reasons, and at that age, I listened.

So the Air Force didn’t happen.

My mom, seeing what was going on, told me I needed to learn a trade.

And I did.

I enrolled at Valley Vocational Center in the City of Industry and took the Business Office Machines program.

I earned my certificate, and eventually I landed my first office job at Pyrex Corporation as an office assistant.

That’s where my office career began.

From there, one job led to another. I learned new skills, took on new responsibilities, and built a working life.

I didn’t have everything figured out at 18.

Hell, who does?

But I had somewhere to go. Something to learn. A job to show up for.

There was always a next step.

And for most of my adult life, that’s how things worked.

You got up. You went to work. You took care of your responsibilities. You figured out whatever needed figuring out, and you kept going.

Then one day, you retire.

And nobody tells you what comes next.

I Retired. Now What?

I retired in March 2022.

After decades of working, I was finally going to have time to do whatever I wanted.

Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?

And it was.

That first year, BigDog and I traveled. We enjoyed ourselves. I spent time helping my parents.

There were things to do, places to go, and family to take care of.

Then life happened.

My dad passed away in 2024.

And anyone who’s lost a parent knows that life doesn’t simply pick up where it left off.

Things change.

Your family changes. Your responsibilities change. Even the way you look at time changes.

And somewhere along the way, I started wondering what I was supposed to be doing with myself.

Last November, I even considered going back to work.

Imagine that.

After all those years of working and finally retiring, I was sitting there wondering whether I should get another job.

Not necessarily because I needed to.

But because I was trying to figure out what came next.

I don’t think I fully understood that at the time.

Apparently, I Have a Lot of Interests

Now, it’s not like I’ve been sitting around doing nothing for the last four years.

Quite the opposite.

I’ve been gardening.

And if you’ve followed my gardening adventures here in Arizona, you already know that has been an education all by itself.

I’ve been making stickers, decorating planners, and doing my Planner Girl thing.

I’ve been making YouTube videos, including my Money Monday videos.

Then earlier this year, I started exploring affiliate marketing.

And artificial intelligence.

And blogging.

And suddenly I was learning about websites, Pinterest, Amazon, brand partnerships, ChatGPT, Claude, and all kinds of things I hadn’t imagined doing when I retired.

One discovery led to another.

I’d learn something new, get excited about it, and then discover something else connected to it.

And off I’d go.

I’m curious by nature. I like learning things. I like figuring out how something works.

Give me something new to investigate, and I can lose hours.

BigDog says I have a busy mind.

He’s probably right, too.

But here’s the thing.

Sometimes, with all these interests and projects, I do feel like I’m floundering.

Not because I don’t enjoy what I’m doing.

I do.

But because I can be working on one thing, discover something else, and suddenly I’m headed in a completely different direction.

And at the end of the day, I sometimes wonder what the hell I actually accomplished.

Which brings me right back to what Mom said.

Maybe I haven’t settled because I’m still discovering.

But What the Hell Is a Retirement Routine, Anyway?

I’ve been thinking about that question.

For most of my life, my routine was pretty much decided for me.

Work had a schedule. The kids had schedules. There were bills to pay, groceries to buy, appointments to keep, and responsibilities that didn’t particularly care whether I felt like doing them.

You built your life around those things.

Then you retire, and suddenly a big piece of that structure disappears.

So what does a routine look like when you don’t have to be somewhere at eight o’clock in the morning?

Do you get up at the same time every day?

Do you assign certain days to certain activities?

Do you schedule your hobbies?

Do you need to?

I don’t know.

But I do think routines serve a purpose.

Even animals have routines.

They get up. They eat. They hunt or wander around. They take a nap. They get up and do it all over again.

Luna certainly has hers.

She knows when it’s time to eat, when it’s time to go outside, and when it’s time to supervise whatever BigDog and I are doing.

And she doesn’t seem particularly concerned about finding her purpose in life.

Maybe she’s onto something.

I think having some kind of routine keeps you from floundering.

It gives your day a little structure. Something to come back to when you’ve got seventeen ideas running through your head.

But I don’t want a routine that makes every day feel like I’m punching a time clock again.

I already did that.

For decades.

I want the freedom to discover something new without feeling like I’ve thrown my entire day off course.

Maybe what I need is a little structure without losing the freedom I worked all those years to have.

I’m still figuring that part out.

Maybe I’ve Been Reinventing Myself My Whole Life

Here’s where this gets even more interesting to me.

Recently, I started questioning something I’ve been talking about for quite a while.

Reinvention.

I’ve spent a lot of time talking about reinventing yourself after 60.

And I still believe women can start new things at any age.

But the more I think about my own life, the more I wonder whether I’ve actually been reinventing myself my entire life.

When I was young, I became the person I needed to be to survive and make a living.

When I worked, I learned whatever skills I needed for the job.

When life changed, I adjusted.

When people depended on me, I became the person who could handle what needed to be handled.

Different jobs. Different responsibilities. Different versions of myself.

And now?

For the first time in a long time, I have the opportunity to figure out who I am when I’m not necessarily becoming what somebody else needs me to be.

Maybe this isn’t reinvention.

Maybe it’s discovery.

Discovering what interests me.

Discovering what I enjoy.

Discovering what I’m capable of learning at 68.

And maybe even discovering pieces of that young girl who wanted to join the Air Force, went to vocational school instead, and started building a life without knowing exactly where it would lead.

I hadn’t really connected all of that until recently.

And now, thanks to a conversation with my nephew and an observation from my mother, I’ve got something else to think about.

So, What the Fuck Comes Next?

I wish I could tell you I have an answer.

I don’t.

I have ideas. Lots of them.

I’ve got my blog, my YouTube channels, my writing, my gardening, my planners, and this whole new world of technology I’m learning about.

I’ve got BigDog, my mom, my kids, my grandkids, and Luna.

I’ve got a life I enjoy.

And yet, sometimes I still feel like that girl who just graduated from high school.

Standing there wondering what comes next.

The difference is that at 18, I was trying to figure out how to make a living.

At 68, I’m trying to figure out how I want to live.

And that’s a different kind of question.

Maybe Mom is right. Maybe I haven’t settled because I keep discovering new things.

Maybe I do need to find a routine that gives my days a little more direction.

But I don’t think I want to stop discovering.

Not now.

Not when I’m finding out there are so many things I still want to learn and try.

And I’m not going to pretend I’ve figured out the perfect balance between the two.

Because I haven’t.

I’m still thinking about what Mom said.

Maybe next week I’ll have a different perspective.

Maybe six months from now, I’ll look back at this and realize something I can’t see today.

Or maybe I’ll still be asking the same damn question.

What the fuck comes next?

And you know what?

I think I’m okay admitting that I don’t know yet.

Because this isn’t a story about having all the answers.

It’s a story about being 68 years old, retired, and realizing I’m still trying to figure myself out.

And apparently, my 86-year-old mother can see that better than I can sometimes.

Go figure.

Let’s Talk, Girl Tribe

If you’re retired, have you found your routine?

Or do you sometimes feel like you’re standing at another starting line, trying to figure out what comes next?

And if you’re not retired yet, have you ever wondered what you’ll do when nobody else is setting your schedule?

I’d really love to hear your thoughts.

Because I’m still working through mine.